Reframe Rejection into a Growth Opportunity

For centuries, storytelling was a powerful vehicle for education, inspiration, and connection. I share my experiences to reinforce that we all face similar challenges, and to encourage resilience and growth in the face of adversity. 

My self-coaching series, Become More Resilient for Sales Success, uses five key pillars of resilience (click here to view eBook). Handling Rejection With Confidence is the second pillar – here’s the first part: Mastering Mindset for Sales Success.  

The following stories describe how I reframed rejection and grew more confident in the process. I hope they inspire you into finding your best ways of dealing with rejection. 

Story One: Caught Off Guard  

It’s the 1996 Atlanta Paralympics. By this stage of my Judo career, I’d achieved European Champion. I felt fully prepared and confident that I’d win a medal.  

The opening ceremony, in front of 90,000 people, was amazing! I was buzzing, feeling strong and confident as I stepped onto the mat.  

My opponent was a Brazilian guy I’d never met before – Antônio Tenório. Taking hold of me in the traditional Japanese ‘Uchi Mata’ hold, I immediately sensed his immense strength. As an ambidextrous fighter, he moved in an unexpected way; I wasn’t prepared for his left-handed grip.  

Caught off guard, he threw me down in seconds!  

Despite all my training, I wasn’t prepared for that because he was an unknown. Not surprisingly, Tenório won Gold. He won many other Paralympic medals over the years, becoming a star of the Judo circuit.  

Walking back to the warm-up area, I felt my career was over. It was like being rejected by a customer with the biggest sale you’d ever tried to close as they say: “Sorry, we’ve gone with someone else.” You’ve failed the company and lost that commission.  

Luckily, I had a great coach, Steve Pullen. He reminded me of all my hard work, saying that I’d regret it for the rest of my life if I didn’t continue. I returned to the mats and won the Bronze medal.  

That experience taught me to be prepared for the unexpected.  

When unplanned things happen, remind yourself that things happen and it’s okay. Ask what you can learn from the situation.   

Fast forward to the 2004 Athens Paralympics … I won Silver! 

Story Two: A Slap in the Face 

In 2004, after Athens, I needed to figure out my future career. Consulting a life coach, we realised that I enjoy talking and helping people, so a keynote speaking and resilience training career seemed obvious.  

After completing an excellent training workshop on motivational keynote speaking, I thought an agent could help. My first call was encouraging; they would promote me at a mid-rate fee initially, and help me become successful. All seemed good! 

Weeks later, I’d heard nothing. I rang the agent but someone else answered. When I explained the situation, they bluntly said: “Well, you’re not famous. You haven’t got a big name in sport. And your sport isn’t mainstream. You’re going to struggle.”  

It felt like a slap in the face. It was as if I’d been told I wasn’t good enough.  

After a few days of brooding, my solution-focused mindset kicked in. I’m not allowing anyone to tell me what I can or can’t do. I’m reinventing this. Forget using an agent (I’m sure there are good ones around!). 

I rang local schools and businesses. Within days, I was getting bookings! Before long, my mid-rate fee increased.  

21 years later, I’m a successful keynote speaker. All because I reframed that rejection using a growth mindset.  

When you experience rejection, remember to rethink, reframe, readjust. They’re not rejecting you—they’re rejecting the situation.  

Story Three: Reframe, Relook, Re-evaluate 

Remember those horrendous early days of COVID-19 when our diaries emptied?  

Suddenly, I couldn’t do face-to-face speaking or training events. Other speakers and facilitators shied away from virtual events. But for me, it was a no-brainer. There seemed no other way. Unsurprisingly, it became the only way for a long time. 

Swiftly learning how to use Zoom and Teams, I quickly became established in delivering training and keynote speeches not just in the UK, but within the EU to the US, Malaysia, and beyond.  

A devastating virus tried to ‘reject’ humanity. But through reframing and re-evaluating, many people became more resilient and successful.  

My confidence helped me grasp the unknown, conquer it, and deliver my services through it. Confidence comes from preparation—the more you do, the more confident you feel.