Achieve a Successful Future by Controlling the Controllables
Many of us experience stress when realising there are things in life beyond our control. When you focus your energy on what you can influence rather than wasting energy worrying about what you cannot, you’ll find yourself in a calmer, clearer state of mind. Then you’re more able to work towards the future you’ve always dreamed of. Knowing how to manage stressful situations is linked to emotional intelligence and resilience. So, your future depends on understanding where to focus your energy and letting go of what you cannot control.
Out in Bail
Everyone needs things to look forward to, especially since our activities were necessarily restricted for so long. As we look ahead with more optimism and start planning events, we must accept that plans may need to change. At least we can now meet friends in the pub after work and enjoy a meal in our favourite restaurant with loved ones. We may have more freedom, but we still need to be careful. I imagine it’s a bit like being let out on bail!
So, concentrate on what you do have control of. Plan and try to enjoy both work and family events. If you’re nervous about dining out or returning to the workplace, focus your energy on the positives; this mindset helps build resilience.
Work Wins
Throughout lockdown, most of us enjoyed working from home. There may have been challenges, like home-schooling children or sharing workspaces with family. Cooking family dinners every day, with no restaurants or take-aways open, didn’t help! Not to mention all those draining Zoom calls.
But the wins outweighed the negatives, surely!
- No commuting
- More time with family
- Less head-around-the-door interruptions from colleagues
- More focused time on projects
- Better work/life balance
Seeing colleagues face to face is very welcome now. Especially as another challenge was maintaining team cohesion when working remotely.
If your organisation is embracing the new hybrid way of working, that may be another challenge. As a team leader, you will need to flag having some control over your homeworkers and focus on the teamwork aspects that you have complete control of.
‘Flagging’ and ‘focus’ is all part of my 3 F’s Framework. A simple format, it helps you control the controllables and forget the rest, reducing your stress levels. I’ll explain more below.
Versions of You
How many versions of you do you need to be?
As a manager or business owner, there are expectations to maintain. From being the captain of the ship to the fair-minded but driven team leader, people look to you for inspiration, support or guidance. That can create some pressure. Then there’s the family person. The version of you who nurtures children, cares for your parents or other family members, and ensures the home runs smoothly. You must also carve out that essential fun and relaxation time with family and friends.
Maintaining these different versions of you may have been difficult throughout lockdown. Particularly the having fun part! With restrictions not allowing indoor mixing and the weather often too cold or wet to meet outside when we could, it was hard to escape. That negative impact on our stress levels can lead to feeling overwhelmed. It’s frustrating feeling unable to control a normally easy situation.
Coping with Overwhelm
There are three simple yet effective methods to recall when you’re feeling stressed:
- Recognise how worrying about the uncontrollables affects you
- Learn techniques to help figure out what is in your control – this is where the 3 F’s Framework comes in
- Find healthy ways to reduce anxiety when stress is evident – walking, gardening or reading for pleasure
Whatever you’re feeling overwhelmed about – returning to work, travelling on public transport or home life – being aware of your feelings is the first step. Flagging these events mentally in advance helps to prepare yourself for when they do happen. This strengthens resilience, preparing you to cope with uncontrollable situations.
The 3 F’s Framework
My 3 F’s Framework helps you to overcome stress and overwhelm. Recognising what you can and can’t control is key. The 3 F’s Framework is centred around these three words:
- Focus on where you have control of the outcome
- Flag what you have some control over
- Forget what you have no control over
If you tend to overthink things and get overwhelmed by your to-do list, this process will help. When you know what you can control, focus your energies on that. If a team member is struggling to complete a project but they’re determined to do it themselves, flag it as something to deal with soon to see where they will accept help.
Knowing what you have no control over is equally important – assign that to your ‘Forget’ pile!
This straightforward method will help you manage situations like returning to work, lockdown lifting, reuniting with loved ones, and completing tasks without becoming overwhelmed.
