How Well do you REALLY Know Yourself?
Emotional Intelligence (EI) are two powerful words that, together, are increasingly heard as buzz words. They’re buzzing, because this character trait is incredibly helpful, just as resilience is. Essential, even!
Being emotionally intelligent means that it becomes easier to call on that sage part of your mind when things are feeling difficult, to then manage your emotions in positive ways. Emotional intelligence helps you to quickly recognise the signs of becoming anxious, dealing with them accordingly. For instance, when you’re about to present to the Board, or a project isn’t going well, or your team is fractious and need your support to perform cohesively again.
For me, I know I’m getting anxious when I notice physical signs; my heart rate and breathing increases, and I feel warmer. As soon as I notice them, I know I need to act to calm down. I’ll step away to concentrate on my breathing without anyone else knowing. That could be anything from 30 seconds to five or ten minutes – as long as I can get away with!
By putting my ‘oxygen mask’ on, I’m returning to my strong, positive mindset that can help others if needed. As a leader or manager, this is an indispensable trait.
Put Your Oxygen Mask on First
Whenever you travel by air, the safety talk always tells you to put your oxygen mask on first before helping others. That’s an important message for many situations, both at work and at home.
It seems counter-intuitive. After all, you want to help your family or friends when you see them struggling! But in a demanding situation, ensuring that you’re okay first gives you the clarity of mind to cope and help others effectively.
So, whenever there’s a tense situation and you feel your stress level rising, take a moment to prevent it from getting worse. Step away for a quick comfort break, or to get some water.
Step Away from the Edge!
Moving away gives you that moment to gather your thoughts, take a few deep breaths, and notice what’s really going on.
By stepping away, that separation offers an opportunity to notice other things relating to the situation. Distancing yourself often provides a unique perspective. Then, you can return to the situation with a calmer, clearer state of mind.
Sometimes, you may experience stronger emotions of overwhelm or high anxiety. Stepping away is a useful grounding technique in high stress situations. Simply making a cuppa can help distract your mind and calm you. Consciously notice the heat of the mug, the colour of the tea and its taste. Take some deep breaths to get more oxygen to the brain.
When high emotions try to take control, you may feel angry, aggressive, or tearful. You might struggle to speak for fear of saying something silly. As the emotional part of the brain engages, you’re getting ready to fight, flight, or freeze. To get back into your rational, EI driven mind, step away from the situation and breathe. Deep breathing activates the parasympathetic nervous system, sending a signal to the anxious part of your brain that you’re safe and don’t need to use the fight, flight, or freeze response.
Helping Others
Sadly, the last couple of years has meant that many people’s anxieties have risen. A lot, in some cases. So, knowing how to help your team when overwhelm is witnessed is extremely helpful.
Grounding is using our five senses to help reduce heightened anxiety. Start by quietly and calmly telling them to take some deep, long breaths. Then, ask them to notice or do these five things, talking briefly about each one:
- Sight – what can you see? Ask them to name what they’re looking at, such as pictures on the wall, a brightly coloured object, trees, birds, something they’re wearing.
- Touch – what can you feel? Suggest they touch their hair, something cold, or a cup of warm tea. Touch some fabric or stroke the grains of a wooden table.
- Sound – what can you hear? A clock ticking, the rain, traffic, birds singing, or computers humming.
- Smell – what can you smell? Food cooking, soap, your clothes, flowers, or someone’s perfume.
- Taste – what can you taste? A cup of tea or coffee, peppermint, chocolate, a biscuit, or some fruit.
What Sets Your Emotions Jangling?
This can be different for everyone. A typical scenario is when the boss asks to see you for some feedback in an hour. The word ‘feedback’ can conjure up negativity for many of us! Our minds automatically go to ‘what have I done wrong?’ and our emotions take over.
It’s at times like this when the ‘what ifs’ start. What if I missed something really crucial? What if the stakeholder didn’t like the result? The fear of the unknown effects your emotions when you’re trying to prepare for the meeting, hindering you.
Do you sit there and worry? Ideally, no. Take yourself off to the kitchen. Ask someone about their weekend. Go for a quick walk if you can. Anything to take yourself out of the situation. Because sitting at your desk stressing about what your boss might say won’t help. Chances are, they’ll have something positive to share!
By taking care of our emotions through Breathing, Stepping Away and Noticing, we’re more able to treat others fairly. And that is a big part of being an Emotionally Intelligent leader. Controlling your emotions helps you and others.
